For most families, the end of summer brings a mix of relief and chaos: school supply lists, new routines, earlier bedtimes. For families raising children who have experienced trauma, it can also bring behavioral changes. These might come in the form of resistance to talking about school, resistance in general, stress-induced dysregulation, sleep disruptions, social conflicts; an increase in behaviors that may have quieted down over the summer. These are the nervous system reacting to the impending transition.
For children and teens whose early experiences taught them that the world is unpredictable and adults are not reliably safe, the word “new” can register as a threat. A new classroom, a new teacher, new peers, a new schedule. A child with a trauma history might experience all of that as unsettling, even threatening. Children managing a state of chronic hyperarousal can benefit from lots of forewarning, planning, and practicing a new routine in advance.
Begin the Transition Before School Does
The most effective back-to-school preparation starts two to three weeks before the first day of school. The following suggestions are a place to start.
Ease back into structure
Begin shifting bedtimes and wake times earlier by increments of fifteen to thirty minutes every few days. Reintroduce a consistent daily rhythm: meals at regular times, a predictable afternoon structure, an evening routine that ends the same way each night. The more the body recognizes a pattern, the less the brain has to work to adjust when school begins.
Visit the school before the first day
If your child is entering a new school, changing grade levels, or has had a difficult experience in the school building, arrange a visit before the school year begins. Walking the hallways when they are quiet, finding their classroom(s), locating the bathroom, and identifying where to go on the first morning removes several unknowns from the nervous system’s list. Familiarity is regulating.
Talk about it, but follow their lead
Some children want to talk about what is coming; others do not, and following their lead helps them set the pace of processing their transition. Make space for a conversation to happen without requiring it: “School starts in two weeks. I’m here if you want to talk about it” For children who do engage, ask open questions: “Is there anything you’re hoping for this year? Anything you’re wondering about?” Validate whatever comes up.
How to Talk to Your Child’s Teacher
It can be helpful to reach out to any new teachers directly. Sharing your child’s full history is not necessary. What matters is giving the teacher enough context to understand your child’s behavior when it appears, and enough guidance to respond in ways that support rather than escalate. A simple, direct message is all that is needed. Something like: “My child has a trauma history that affects how they respond to transitions and new relationships. They may need extra time to trust you, and they may test that trust in ways that look like defiance. What helps most at home is consistency, warmth, and low-demand greetings. I would love to connect before the year begins if you are open to it.”
Managing the First Few Weeks
The first few weeks or months of school your child’s nervous system is working overtime. There are a few things you can do to support their transition.
First, expect some dysregulation before stabilization
Some of the same behaviors you’ve noticed during other transtions may resurface in the early weeks of school. Meet them with steadiness, assure them they are safe, and, if age-appropriate, consider letting them know what they are feeling is a normal stress response and that they will adjust, it will become familiar.
Protect the after-school hour
The rivers and creeks that run through this landscape offer another option close to home. A 2022 study that tracked people’s mental wellbeing throughout the day found that visiting rivers and canals was linked to a measurable boost in wellbeing, one that lasted even after the visit ended.9 A quiet riverbank can offer some of the same sensory benefits as the coast, the sound of moving water, open sightlines, and a slower pace, often with less crowding and easier access.
Keep evenings predictable for as many weeks as possible
A calm wind-down routine and a stable bedtime create the physical conditions for a more regulated morning. Sleep quality will have an effect on how regulated a child feels the next morning.
Stay connected with the school
Check in with the teacher briefly in the first few weeks, to share information that might be helpful and to ask how well your child’s transition seems to be going in class. A teacher who hears from you is more likely to reach out if something concerning is developing.
What to Watch For
- Some stress at the start of the school year is expected. There are signs, though, that a child may need additional support.
- Watch for persistent sleep disruption that does not improve after the first few weeks.
- Watch for a significant increase in aggression, withdrawal, or emotional dysregulation that continues to intensify.
- Watch for school refusal behaviors: stomachaches, headaches, or resistance at drop-off that happen every day.
- Watch for your child talking about feeling unsafe, being targeted by peers, or not wanting to go back.
- Watch for a return to coping behaviors that had been dormant.
Seek Support Early
If several of these signs appear together or persist, reach out: to your child’s therapist, to the school counselor, or to your CFS if you are an EYS family. Early support at the start of the year is worth pursuing.
Taking Care of Yourself
Sources
Integrated Listening Systems. (2023). Navigating the challenges of back to school for children with complex trauma. integratedlistening.com
Creating a Family. (2024). Easing the transition to a new school year for adopted, foster and kinship kids. creatingafamily.org
American Psychological Association. (2024). Back to school can be a stressful time: how to help your kids transition. apa.org/topics/children/school-anxiety
National Child Traumatic Stress Network. Creating, supporting, and sustaining trauma-informed schools: a systems framework. nctsn.org
