Celebrating winter holidays can bring up difficult feelings for post-adopted youth. The combination of past memories and new experiences can make this time of year emotionally complex. Make room for positive and supportive experiences while also allowing space for negative emotions by setting expectations, maintaining a routine, and keeping an open line of communication. When negative emotions arise, let your child know that it’s normal to have complicated feelings. Allow time and space to express negative emotions then re-orient them to a positive aspect of the holidays like giving and receiving gifts, having a special meal, a break from school, or spending quality time with family and friends.
Creating a supportive and inclusive holiday environment for post-adopted youth will be different for every family. However, we’ve gathered some practical tips we think will set up any family for a successful holiday.
Practical Tips for Families
- Maintain consistent routines
Sticking to a familiar schedule can provide stability during an unpredictable time. - Set expectations
Preparing children for what to expect during gatherings or gift exchanges can help reduce anxiety. - Be mindful of overstimulation
Holiday noise and crowds can be overwhelming. Plan quiet activities and allow for downtime to recharge. - Be ready to provide emotional support
Be on the look out for signs of sadness or stress and make space for a healthy expression of these feelings. - Simplify gift giving
Help your youth make handmade gifts or emphasize meaningful experiences over an abundance of presents, which can be overwhelming. - Focus on connection over perfection
Free yourself from the worry of creating a perfect holiday. Instead actively create a warm, welcoming space for your family to feel loved. - Educate extended family members
Help relatives understand post-adoption dynamics to promote sensitivity and avoid unintentional comments or actions. - Involve them in decision-making
Allow youth to choose decorations, activities, or meals and encourage them to notice signs of personal overwhelm. - Create new traditions
Invite youth to help create unique family traditions that incorporate elements of their cultural or familial heritage into your celebrations to acknowledge their past. - Have a backup plan
Be ready to adjust or opt out of gatherings that might be too challenging. - Seek support if needed
Consider reaching out to a therapist, counselor, or support group for guidance.
Your attention and understanding mean more than a perfectly wrapped gift or a festive celebration. Allow that some things may go “wrong” and allow for challenging moments without worrying that the holidays may be ruined. You’ve already given your child the best gift they could have asked for: love.
